One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
