my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Text me some of your sweat
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