He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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