what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
