from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this just has baby written all over it
So many bounce houses so little time
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
