; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
