Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
