Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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