I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
