I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
