He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
