are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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