I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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