oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
