he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
