I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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