there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
