Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
