she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
