I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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