i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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