He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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