Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
