so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
