First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
