i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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