First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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