THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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