dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I currently don't understand fingers.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
