I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
