your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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