We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize