I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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