I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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