Capitaan dildo arrescate!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
