This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
