took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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