No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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