you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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