There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So here I am, sexting at work.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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