forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
