I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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