The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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