wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
