How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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