I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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