i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
