remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
