i may or may not be watching the land before time
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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