oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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