Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize