So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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