Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
