Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
