oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
