he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
