she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
