Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
