I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
