I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
