At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
