Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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