Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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