Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
