I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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