His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
