yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
