My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
