The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
