Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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