happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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